Here’s my Quest ideas so far for the game SuperBetter to help work on some of the problems I identified in my previous post. Next I will write about my Allies Mission ideas.
Track Negative Self-Talk – Daily
Track your negative self-talk on a daily basis using a Negative Self-Talk Tracking Form. I created an online form using Adobe Forms to make it easier to track to see my results over time. The form tracks how often and what times and days you say phrases of concern such as:
- “should…” “should have…” “I could have…”
- Self-Put-Downs of your entire personality or character (e.g. I’m stupid, I’m retarded, I’m such a fuck up, etc.)
- “I feel…” statements ending with words that are not emotions (e.g. “I feel obligated…” “I feel overwhelmed…” “I feel sorry for…”
- And my greatest offender, “I’m sorry” (Apologies for no reason)
Avoidance: Track when I won’t ask questions to avoid conflict
After one therapy session, I got the assignment to identify when I’m ok with communicating and when I’m not and what the correlation is to conflict. In what I did test this out on, almost everything was because I was afraid of conflict and I was afraid of being judged.
This one I would like to most certainly use SuperBetter’s Battles to work on it. I’m not good at doing this one yet in my day to day. So maybe something like reflecting on situations afterwards will help me start being more aware.
Avoidance: Work on doing things or going places that I associate with my abuser
There are some places and things I would love to do that I just clam up about when I’m even just thinking about it. Some are going to certain restaurants, eating eggs, potatoes and spaghetti, working on music, drawing and working on creative projects, and going to the dentist.
I will eat eggs, potatoes, and spaghetti, but I feel completely nauseated when I do.
Last week I went to a bar and restaurant because I wanted to spend time with my friends. But, I felt really uneasy about going there. I dug deeper to figure out why and remembered both times that I went to that place resulted in some pretty bad nights when I went home. The first time I went there resulted in such a violent fight that I was covered in bruises for two weeks. That night was also significant because I almost got out of there and I think I would have gotten help then like the night that I did finally leave. But, I went back. I didn’t want to tell my friends I felt uneasy about the place and why, and I decided I was strong enough to disassociate the place with my ex. It is an irrational fear. I can go there as long as he is not there to hurt me.
I hope I can continue to break through these things and be able to do them again in the future. Some might take more work than others.
Self-Advocacy: Treat myself like I treat others and how I want to be treated
One thing I discussed in therapy is how I have no problem at work identifying if something is a waste of time, money or resources. But, when it comes to something I want or need, I spend an endless amount of time anticipating judgment or worrying about it rather than just asking and reacting. If I treat things I want the same way I treat a problem at work, I will ask for what I want and spend a whole lot less time, money, and energy on it. I also find it takes a whole lot less time to react to someone than anticipating what will happen if I ask for something. I don’t think this exact way of thinking will work for everyone, but it helps me act in my best interest better.