1. Dealing with conflict instead of avoiding it
I had to deal with situations that made me uncomfortable over the past two weeks and instead of not saying anything, I said something about it. I didn’t avoid conflict but tried to address it. I could still use some practice in this area. It’s very difficult and makes me feel terrible. But, at the same time I feel relieved I said something. Though I don’t think it would really help. But, I guess that’s why it’s important I push myself to ask for things. You never get anything without asking for it.
2. Working on things I have been avoiding in general
I took some major steps this past week to work on things I want to that I have been avoiding because I associate them with abuse or my abusers. Although the steps may be small in the grand scheme of things, doing these things made me very excited to be getting a little closer to my goals and to break free the association of these things with my abusers.
3. Nightmares are just reminders of the types of people and behavior you need to be wary of
I had a couple bad nightmares of being attacked again over the past couple of weeks. I know one was triggered by someone in particular who was exhibiting behaviors I was all too familiar with: yelling and arguing over minute things, throwing things violently at someone, and engaging in anti social behaviors. When I talked about this in therapy, my therapist said something that struck home and made the idea that I might always have nightmares of being attacked the rest of my life a little more tangible or ok. They said,
“Nightmares are just reminders of the types of people and behavior you need to be wary of. It’s your mind’s way of warning you, “Hey, something’s wrong.””