Reflection on the past week: Depression, Anxiety, Anticipation, Avoidance

I’ve been in this depressive funk for the past couple of weeks. This is very abnormal for me. I haven’t really want to be around people or do much of anything except run. I pretty much always feel exhausted now. Doing anything like chores or shopping just bum me out. I don’t really feel motivated to do all the things I had listed out I was excited to do. I actually skipped events with people to just chill out. This was following a number of weeks with something to do every night and a long weekend around a lot of people all the time. In therapy we talked about how this might have to do with anticipation and hypervigilance.

As a kid I had to do a lot of anticipating in order to avoid the consequences of not anticipating which could be being yelled at, hit, hit with something, or being ridiculed for not doing the thing I should have known to do. I had anticipated for so long that it became the way I live. I got into a relationship with a person who used it to their advantage as well.

Being around people can be exhaustive to me because unconsciously I’m spending all that time analyzing what they really mean and anticipating what to do or not do, what to say or not say. I think I had reached my threshold. But, I’m not really sure why I feel so depressed, discouraged and unmotivated. I think it has to do with feeling unsupported. My friends have not been supportive with this SuperBetter thing and that has really gotten me down. Actually I have started to question if people are even my friends and care about me. And then I think a large number of people in the world are dealing with this same problem of feeling like they are always looking for the friendships and support they need. Why do we do this to each other? What makes a person fit or not fit in with others? How do you fix all of these things?

So no matter how depressed or unmotivated I feel, I still feel the need to push on, to keep pushing myself to be active, to talk with people, to make plans, to keep asking, to keep working on unlearning all the behaviors I’ve learned that are hurting my relationships with people.

I keep getting told no when I ask for things I need. But, maybe some day I’ll find someone who says, yes.

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  1. #1 by Marty on June 6, 2012 - 8:09 pm

    Those sound like stuck parts, parts of our personality and emotions that remain in childhood.

    Remember you always have a friend, a secure place, that is the focus on the breath to bring you to know.

    have you tried printing out kne of the breathing tracks and tracing your breath. This small action will help. When a thought, depressive or scary arrives focus the breath with eyes open for a day or two, then see how it goes alternating for a day eyes open then closed.

    This small skill will help with staying present. The less we think and the more we act the better. mental actions. This can lesson the cortisol and activate the parasympathetic nervous system to calm us.

    Marty

  2. #2 by miaquinn on June 10, 2012 - 11:41 pm

    Hi Marty,

    Thanks for checking in with me on this post. I do do the breathing exercises and find they help a great deal. Being aware of when I am doing the anticipation is key too. So I will keep it up! I read a lot of your posts this week and they have to do with a lot of the struggles I am working on. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with everyone! 🙂 It makes a big difference.

    -Mia

    • #3 by Marty on June 11, 2012 - 12:00 am

      When we do that do-do did you mean. Or is it do you mean

      Do wa didi

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